'Cause I Hate The Way I Feel Tonight...

Well happy friggen five months to you to John. Thank you ever so much for ditching me twice, or three times, depending on how you look at it.

1- Going biking in Kamloops.
2/3- Only calling once, going to town, and telling me thursday I was spending Saturday night.

But I guess saturday night was bombed out on because you only called once... And you were probably calling anyways to tell me that you were going to a party in town, or riding into town to go see TJ and Grahm or something like that. So I hope you had fun while I sat here and cried all friggen night. I guess this is my fault too. I could have stayed home all day and stared at the phone.
Is all I'm worth one phone call? Is that all I'm ever worth? B'cause I sure feel worthless right now.

-Samantha
*Now I'm Drowning MySelf In The Pain*

And Tell Me That We Belong Together.

I hate it here. I'm in the middle of recording (just off the sound recorder on the computer) and they scream at me "Saaaaammmmmm" "Sammmmmm" "sssssssaaaaaaaaaammmmmm" And inturupt me. Just like they're always insulting me. Acting liek I don't have feelings. I was bit by my dog yesterday, and then today when we were watching TV, this comercial were this kids face is all messed up and all my mother can say is "Sams face looks like that"
That hurt, and then my dad snapped because it hurt my feelings. Well fuck you too.

-Samantha
*I'm turning inside Out*

I hate the way I feel Tonight, 'Cause I know I need you in my life.

Ugh. I could kill darrin. That asshole. I get bit by my puppy and all he can do is bitch about me not putting any pop back in the fridge to be cold. Well, Lets look back at the situation, don't you think I would have if there had been any pop in the flat to put back. Mhmn, thats right. He fucking storms in the house and bitches at me. Well fuck, he's lucky that Sarah and mum begged me not to say anything, becuase the way I'm feeling I probably would have attempted to lay him out flat.
I don't even know. Today is kinda crappy, and then next month I have to deal with that thing of a cousin and one of her wacked out friends. That'll be fun -sarcasm dripps-. I just wish I could disspear half the time. Well away from my family, well half of them. They all complain that I never smile and what not... But when I'm not home I smile... Most of the time.
Fuck.
I'm just so sick of my sister trying to take everything I have, and moving in with us and just.. just lying and taking and whatever. I just hate her. I may love her (On occasion), but I hate her for the most part... If I never had to deal with her again, the occasional phone call, I'd be just fine. Just fine I tell you. But meh.

-Samantha
*Just want to move.*

You're More Than A Lover, There Could Never Be Another...

Happeh Four Months To Johnny And I.
Our Song: My Best Friend By Tim McGraw
-Get It And Listen To It.. I -heart- It.-

So they kicked me off the computer in the hallway to the computer shut away in a room because my dad just wanted to play around on his computer, which is really gay... GAY. Oh well they just don't want me to be comfertable. Meh I don't care.

Yeah well i think im going to go. If you're into lull for msuic, listen to Here for the Party and Redneck Woman by Gretine Wilson.

-Samantha

*You're more than a lover, There Could Never Be Another, To make me feel the way you do, You're My Best Friend*

I Didn't Know My Heart Could Go - 60 To Zero...

First Off - Happy Birthday Kristal! Mhmn. I know today, well was good untill like 5:00. But Happy Birthday, I Hope Next Year Is Better For You Darlin'.

Random Thought Of The Day: ...Love Doesn't Just Touch Two Hearts - It Touches Them All. Everytime I See Someone Fall In-Love, I Remember That I've Been Blessed With Love. Even Through Heart Break and Grief, Heartache and Lonleyness, You'll Always Be Able To Pick Up The Pieces, So Through Picking Up The Pieces, Through The Tears That You Hang Out To Dry, Through The Getting Better And Trying It All Over Again You Always Have Friends. Best Friends - To Take You Out And Make You Better...

-Samantha

*With Stars In Our Eyes*

Lean on Me whenever your down...

Johns birthday was on tuesday, whoa, i should have updated then, oh well. I bought him a nice Spy shirt. Its purdy, when it doesnt fit him, i grab dibbs on it. haha, i love that shirt. He got a hate from T.J. and lots of money from people. It was a good night, i bonded with his mum. I love Cindy she is one of the best woman in the world.

I'm bored and in planning so im writing here on this thing, updating.

Britteny hates me now. because apparently I talk behind her back. Oh well, scare-wrew her. Shes mad at Christine too, and we dont even know why. Plus shes mad at Kristal still because of the Lenard thing (when Lenard and Kristal screwed) meh it was gay. Everyone hates everyone now. Oh well. I even hear that Robyn and her family is sick of Britteny now. Oh well.

Science is next, thats good. I moved my locker down to the science wing. ha, by Christine and Amy. I love them, they're nice people and Christine is a best friend, but i have to go before the bell rings. Ciao, Adios.

-Samantha

*Until We Meet In The Stars - Eternity In Silver*

In The Morning I'm Leaving, Making My Way Back To Cleavland...

John might get suspended now. This is completly and utterly stupid.
Some jackie chick just about made me break up with him, so he snapped on her and she went to the principal and cried and such, and then John just might get introuble and such, and UGH.
If she didn't want to get in trouble and get confronted and ect, then she shouldn't have said john was just using me. Next time she decides that she can play a role in my relationships.... I'll have a nice little talk with her.

-Samantha

(friggen hobo's)

I'm heading for the southlands, Looking for some fun..

my head hurts - pain.. ahhhh
I'll update more later, im just wasting time right now ^.^


-Samantha

I'm Already There..

I've decided, that feeling so taken with someone.... Is dangerious. Its not safe, its not orderly, its not helpful... It ends up being hurtful.
It makes you afraid, and edgy, nervious and disoriented, longing and lonely, happy and satified, un-happy and un-satisfied, it makes you touchy and talkitive, it feels wonderful and stupid, its amazing and it all depends on the man or woman you have if it all ends in pain or joy.
A long line of pain for me... I hope this one is joy...

Pray to a god that doesn't exsit....

-Samantha.

Kiss The Lips Of Providence When She Comes Around

Yesterday:

John had his bike stolen... Figured out who it was... Got bike back... Sat around with John untill like 2:30, 3:00 in the morning, just cuddlin' and such..

Today:

Happy mothers day - to start things off.
John crawled into the room at like 8:00 AM, and we just cuddled all morning untill like 11:00 AM. Yeah I can't believe I stayed in bed that long. But oh well. We hung out with Kyle and some other kids. - I think Johns still out biking with them right now too - But yeah, it was fun, I've never actually seen him outside of school before... Now I have... Maybe I'll hang out with the kid more often?
Ha, yeah right,I'm so bad with that.
Oh!
MENTAL NOTE:
---- SEE IF I CAN BORROW THE BREAKING SADDLE OFF LUCUS ----

Yeah, thats about it for me, I think? I don't much know. If I find anything else to write about I'll be back.. Yup yup.

-Samantha

Dear your name here, Its been a long time, Very long time...

Argh, today was bullshit. Just bullshit. I should have got off the bus at Lucus's stop, Called my parents from tehre and been happy. Then I wouldn't have had to deal with my sister and all my families bullshit.

I want to go back on bithcontroll. I can't take these low, low low low low lows when im having my period. All the hormones in BirthControll make me happy during this time of month... or happier, and I dont bleed like a stuck fucking pig.
ALSO, I don't have my period at irregular, random times during the month..... THATS BULLSHIT.

Oh well im going for strawberries and whipped cream, and then I'll be back, probably to bomb out on msn or some shit like that.

-Samantha

Now I'm Flying Down This Old Dirt Road,

I would not vote Liberal if my life depended on it.

I think maybe the marajuana party or the green party.

Our Gov't sucks.

-Samantha

Let Me Get A Big Hell Yeah - From All The Red Neck Woman Like Me!

Yeah I know, I've been putting off writing, but oh well. I'm researching sh-tuff in socials class for the elections and so on...So yeah I got bored and figured I'd Update... Wee...

So last weekend was fun. I got to get out of school on friday because me and my sister slept in. (Untill like 9:00 or something.) So I didn't have to go, I went home, John biked out to my place, and then me and John stayed at Sarahs, we watched Exorsist: the beginnings. and the OLD OLD Tom & Jerry Shows, and then the smirfs. John didn't want to watch the care bares. haha. Oh well. Haha.

Saturday night, well we branded our cattle on saturday at the ranch, John came out and helped me and the others do it. Dad got kicked by a calf. Then we went back home, had a little snack and then went to Johns. When we got there, Chris and his girlfriend were there and then we helped them build a hay shed. Then we ate pizza (two large ones, of which we got for free) and then me and Jhn rented ladder 49 and I cried. God damnit. Hahaha. Oh well, it was fun. My parents actually broke down and let me stay at Johns house.

Sunday, Well sunday was really awesome. We went up to Chataway to watch Devin and John race. They both won in their classes. It was awesome. John won a plack and a shirt. He gave me the shirt. Nice KTM shirt. I think I might take up dirt biking, although John doesn't want me to get hurt, he says I should take up quading. I think I'll do that too. Hahaha. And then me and John got home (to his place) had a bbq with his family in congrats for him and devin winning. And Me and John napped on his bed. Mmm, I saw him all weekend and it was so fun. And then i got home had a long shower and passed out on my bed. Mhmn.

-Samantha

*Where Theres Cake, Theres Hope, And Theres Always Cake*

Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy!

"Git-R-Done" was alot of what I heard on the way to and from Kamloops when I went on the bus with Johns Rugby team. Aww, but oh well, grade eighters are so cute, and apparently I'm like the sister that Matt never had.(Matts 17 and one of my friends and one of the Rugby coaches) Hahaha, Anyways, I don't even know.
I have the hugest headache and I wonder if Britt and Kristal will be mad at me for going to Kamloops with Johnny and Matt..... they both like matt.... even though apparently they're both giving up on him... mhmn...

Anyways I went to the fair the othernight, and Johnny won me a big stuffed animal, its sitting on my bed, I cuddle with it when I sleep. I know, I'm one big sap. I don't know why, But I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY like John. I say Love, But this starting to scare me, I actually awnna be with him and do stuff with him and be with him, and I don't know... Geeze.... My heart and my mind collide at a million miles an hour and create confusion, but one thing is clear, I do care about John.

And Nick - the gross ex of mine - Wants to fight John. Why? Because - we all assume, and pretty much know- that it is because John is going out with me. Ha oh well, Nick creepy and well CREEPY.

But Meh, I got to go, I have mad homework to do and I have to actualy do my science homework seeing how my big bro Matt, is my Science T.A.... God damnit. Lol. Oh well... Hahaha I actually liek science class alot more with him around, ahahaha.

-Samantha.

I'm Looking For A Real Emotion.

I was reading this really good book. - Life Expectancy by Dean koontz. And All I've heard about his writing is bad, but that book is really quirky and odd - its REALLY REALLY really good. But thats not the point.
I'd like to mark the aniversary that I cried over everything in my life - the bad and good.
This girl in the book, Lorrie, she reminded me so much of Casey, the perfection that she is - and that she never saw. But read the book, all the bad things that happen, they all happen for a reason. And looking on it, I see that my life has come upon some horrible days, and when looking forward to better days, well hand me some cake baby. Hand me some cake!
To quote the book:
"Where there is cake, there is hope... And there is always cake."

Upon reading that, and writing all this, I'd like to say, although I am no big believe in god and such, There is something I guess, and whatever it is, who ever it is, works in mysterious ways and in that I guess I'm done writing. I'm happier now. But I'm a tad bit confused over the fact that I don't know whats' going on with my life and sh-tuff like that much anymore. But there was cake today..... So theres hope.... theres always hope....

-Samantha

Forgive Me For Giving A Damn

Its been 5 weeks since I've been with Johnny. & Its been an awesome five weeks. I'm glad I've had this chance to be happy. I'm glad he makes me happy. Everytime I see him, I fall again... Is this love? Ah, many unforgetable questions. "Love" in a young couples hearts.. Its magical.
Every touch...
Every kiss...
Every word...
Every minute...
Every day....
Every second...
Magical.

On another note, i cleaned and re-aranged my room tonight. Shit Im going to do the finishing touches tomorrow, because my back is killing me, and my feet keep cramping up, I've been on them all day. Oh well. Its all fun.
Burd (britteny) Is probably moving back within the next two or three weeks. Either in with Kristal or T.J... Either way, shes coming back... Probably she'll be moving in with Kristal. -Hopefully-.

-Samantha

Does it make you happy now? Tare me from the bone, Tare me from myself...Are You Happy Now?

I haven't written in a long time. Jamies been here, still here, but We're bored, and listening to Mudvayne and he's just chillen out on my bed.

We, no wait, I think I got in mad shit last night.
We went out to Sarah's welcome back party up at the sand pits, which was all ok. We were going to get picked up at 1:30 am by Sarahs mum and get dropped off at my house. Which was all good with the 'rents.
But Jhn had to leave by midnight to walk home to his Aunts...which was all fine. But he got tanked. He had like half a mickey of tequila Gold, and more then a couple shots of shmirnoff... Not a good mix? I was fine. Oh yeah, then we smoked a bit of p-0-+....We were fucked. Jamie was quiet, John was...not john, and I was no where near as fucked as them.
Damon was hilarious....No wait, he was drunk, and high and soooooo fucked up. He tackled John and hit him, and when we all told him to get off, he was like "No man, Dude, this isn't John! Who the fuck is john?! This is bruce lee, BRUCE LEE MAN!"
It was great. But anyways, Midnight rolled around and John had to go, so I let him go... Well I felt bad about him walking home alone, seeing how he had been hit pretty hard by Damon and had hit his head off a rock, rolling down the sandpits...
So I told sarah to keep and eye on Jamie, and chased after John, well I found him sitting on his knees holding his head, so I ran back and got jamie and we walked John to his aunts.
Well we got there at like 12:30,s o I called my parents 3 times, but our phones are being way fucked up and not working, so it never worked, and then I fell asleep on the couch.
Well something like 4 or 4:30 am in the morning, Johns mum calls. "Is Sam there? Her dad just called blah blah blah" so I talked to his mum for a bit, explained why I didn't get a ride home with Sarahs mum and ect,. and then called my dad after.
My dad was way pissed off. He came and got me and Jamie right away.
We got home and the only thing my dad said to me was. "Go to bed." And that was it.
He never talked the whole way home, or anything. Me and Jamie were soooo bored today because we couldn't have anyone over or go anywhere... Oh well I guess, I was resposible but irresponsible at the same time, and I know the rules and ect.
But things seem alot better today seeing how Grandma and Grandpa are here.. but meh, we had fun, but we were bored.

We made sour lemonade.... Hahaha, well anyways...I dunno....Peace.

-Samantha

Can you remember when, You used to fly....

I'm in the worst fucking mood ever.
My dads being the asshole, of all assholes.
He storms in the door "GET OFF THE FUCKIGN PHONE, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CALL FOR OVER AN HOUR.." Which couldn't be true because i was only on the phone for 25 minutes. "TEN FUCKING MINUTES FOR EVER FUCKING HOUR. DON'T TOUCHT HE PHONE." meanwhile im trying to say I have to get off the phone, and Just as i hang it up he walks over and grabs the phone away "STAY OFF THE FUCKIGN PHONE."
I wanted to yell at him so bad.
"YEAH WELL BITE MY ASS, YOU FUCKER, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MOVED ME OUT HERE INTO THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NO-WHERE AWAY FROM ALL MY FRIENDS."
I should have. I probably would have got smacked.
I am sooo pissed off right now. FUCK.

-Samantha

Nothing But a Heartache.

I'm supposed to be making my bed. But I don't want to. The kids are going to sleep. And thats good. I've got such a headache and Such a..... A migrane, and craps and just Ugh.
My head feels all compressed and useless. And even my hair is sore. I think i'm getting sick.

Have i mentioned the wonderful Spring break weather we've been having? No? Oh here, let me tell you. Its rainy and snowy. Friday was so-so. Rained for a bit, but then got sunny, in the evening it tried to snow but ended up like rain. Trust me I know.
Me and John had another perfect Friday night.
Saturday night was awesome. I still have Burds $-m-0-k-e-$. We finally got rid of the things I got for free. Haha, John and Damon are so funny when they're fucked up. I have to give burd back her things, I hope to god she has her Lighters, because I don't...Oh well, I'll pop for new ones if she doesn't.

But saturday night, it rained, and snowed, and snowed and rained and we got soakiing wet and went to Cody's place and watched movied there. And Wesley and all them showed up drunk. And I was going out for a $-m-0-k-e because John had a chew earlier, and wesley jumps accross mine and Johns lap and was like "No, no $-m-0-k-i-n-g Sam. Its bad." then he turns to John. "Don't let her S-m-0-ke." But i got one anyways, when Wesley and Damon ran to the store. It was funny. Oh well.
I'm just randomly updating, I will only be on here at random times because the kids and then Jamies coming out soon. John and him and Damon want to fuck him up pretty bad. But I don't know if I can let it happen. I don't want my friends getting hurt by some fucking asshole. But ohwell. I'll post some other time.

-Samantha.

The Angel From My Nightmare

I don't have much to say, I guess I never do. I don't think I do anyways.

I'm in planning class again. Fwee.... Johns coming over today after school, its the last day of school before spring break. So I'm purdy happy.

Burds leaving tomorrow, probably tomorrow morning for north van, or surrery or something. I'm goign to miss Burd, she better call me sometime!

Oh well. Lisa leaves tomorrow to.

Geeze, everyones leaving for spring break, but thats ok. Jamie's going to come out here. Me and John are going to go to vernon to get him, and theres only one problem with that.
My ex. John doesn't like him, because of all the things I've told him (that are the truth by the way) But anyways. Im such a idiot. I shouldn't have even brought dan up with john. God.

-samantha.